In a culture that often encourages people to follow their hearts, Christians are called to follow something greater—God’s wisdom.
Entering a romantic relationship is one of the most significant decisions you can make. The person you choose to date may eventually become your spouse, influence your faith journey, shape your family culture, and impact your future in profound ways.
Unfortunately, many relationships begin with questions like:
- “Do I like them?”
- “Are they attractive?”
- “Do we have chemistry?”
While attraction and compatibility matter, Christian relationships require deeper questions.
Before entering a relationship, it’s wise to pause, pray, and honestly evaluate both your heart and the person you’re considering.
Here are seven important questions every Christian should ask before entering a relationship.
1. Is This Person Actively Pursuing Christ?
This is the most important question.
Not:
“Do they believe in God?”
Not:
“Do they attend church occasionally?”
Not:
“Were they raised Christian?”
The real question is:
Are they actively pursuing a relationship with Jesus Christ?
Many relationships begin with the assumption that faith differences can be worked out later. However, Scripture consistently emphasizes spiritual unity.
2 Corinthians 6:14 says:
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.”
A healthy Christian relationship is not built merely on shared interests, hobbies, or attraction. It is built on a shared commitment to following Christ.
Ask yourself:
- Do they pray regularly?
- Do they read Scripture?
- Do they demonstrate spiritual maturity?
- Are they growing in their faith?
- Do they encourage others spiritually?
A relationship can only be as spiritually strong as the people within it.
If Jesus is not central in their life now, marriage will not automatically change that.
2. Am I Looking for a Relationship for the Right Reasons?
Before evaluating another person, evaluate yourself.
Many people enter relationships because they are:
- Lonely
- Feeling left behind
- Seeking validation
- Pressured by family or friends
- Tired of being single
- Looking for emotional healing
A relationship cannot successfully carry the weight of needs it was never designed to fulfill.
Your future partner should complement your life, not complete it.
Only Christ can satisfy the deepest needs of the human heart.
Psalm 107:9 says:
“For He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.”
Healthy relationships are formed by whole people, not desperate people.
Ask yourself honestly:
- Would I still be content if this relationship never happened?
- Am I seeking God’s will or simply trying to avoid loneliness?
- Is my identity rooted in Christ or in my relationship status?
The healthiest relationships are often formed when both individuals are secure in who they are in God.
3. Do Our Values Align?
Opposites may attract, but shared values sustain relationships.
You don’t need identical personalities, hobbies, or interests.
However, you do need agreement on core values.
Consider discussing:
Faith
- How important is church involvement?
- What role does prayer play in daily life?
- How will faith influence future decisions?
Family
- Do you both want children?
- What are your expectations for family life?
Finances
- How do you view money?
- Are you a spender or saver?
- What are your financial goals?
Purpose
- What do you believe God is calling you to do?
- Are your life directions compatible?
Differences in preferences are manageable.
Differences in values often create long-term conflict.
Amos 3:3 asks:
“Can two walk together unless they are agreed?”
The closer your values align, the stronger your foundation becomes.
4. Does This Relationship Draw Me Closer to God?
One of the clearest indicators of a healthy Christian relationship is its spiritual impact.
After spending time with this person:
- Do you feel encouraged spiritually?
- Do you pray more?
- Do you desire God more?
- Do you pursue holiness more intentionally?
Or does the opposite happen?
Sometimes attraction can blind us to unhealthy influences.
A relationship should help you become more like Christ—not pull you away from Him.
A godly partner challenges you toward growth.
They encourage accountability.
They celebrate your spiritual victories.
They remind you of biblical truth.
If a relationship consistently weakens your spiritual life, that’s a warning sign worth paying attention to.
The right relationship should strengthen your walk with God, not compete with it.
5. Have I Seen Their Character, Not Just Their Charm?
Charm can be attractive.
Character is essential.
Many people fall in love with potential, personality, or charisma before taking time to evaluate character.
But marriage is built on character.
Pay attention to how they treat:
- Family members
- Church leaders
- Service workers
- Friends
- Strangers
Observe how they respond when:
- They don’t get their way
- They’re frustrated
- They’re criticized
- They’re under pressure
Galatians 5 describes the fruit of the Spirit as:
- Love
- Joy
- Peace
- Patience
- Kindness
- Goodness
- Faithfulness
- Gentleness
- Self-control
Do you consistently see these qualities in their life?
Character is what remains when emotions fade and circumstances become difficult.
Never confuse charm with maturity.
6. Are We Emotionally and Spiritually Ready for a Relationship?
Being interested in someone doesn’t automatically mean you’re ready for a relationship.
Before entering one, ask yourself:
Emotionally
- Have I healed from past heartbreak?
- Am I emotionally healthy?
- Can I communicate openly and honestly?
Spiritually
- Am I growing in my faith?
- Do I trust God with my future?
- Am I seeking His guidance?
Many people bring unresolved wounds into new relationships.
These wounds often create unnecessary challenges later.
God may be using your current season to develop emotional maturity, wisdom, and spiritual depth before introducing the right person.
A healthy relationship is easier to build when both individuals have done the work of personal growth first.
7. Have I Prayed About This Relationship?
This may seem obvious, but it’s surprising how many Christians spend more time analyzing relationships than praying about them.
God cares deeply about your future.
He cares about who you date.
He cares about who you marry.
James 1:5 says:
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God.”
Prayer invites God’s perspective into the process.
Ask Him:
- Is this relationship honoring You?
- Are there warning signs I’m overlooking?
- Is this the right season?
- Does this person align with Your purpose for my life?
God’s guidance doesn’t always come through dramatic signs.
Often it comes through:
- Peace
- Wisdom
- Counsel from mature believers
- Scripture
- Growing clarity over time
Never rush ahead of God’s leading.
The right relationship can withstand prayer, patience, and discernment.
Bonus Question: Can I See This Relationship Leading Toward Marriage?
Christian dating should have purpose.
That doesn’t mean every first conversation must lead to marriage.
However, there should be intentionality.
At some point, ask yourself:
Can I realistically see a future with this person?
If the answer is clearly no, continuing the relationship may create unnecessary emotional attachment and confusion.
Dating is not about collecting experiences.
It’s about discerning compatibility for a potential lifelong covenant.
Approach relationships with wisdom, honesty, and clarity.
Final Thoughts
Entering a relationship is exciting, but excitement alone should never determine your decisions.
Before saying yes to a relationship, ask thoughtful questions.
Seek God’s wisdom.
Evaluate character.
Consider values.
Pay attention to spiritual fruit.
And most importantly, ensure that your relationship is built on a shared commitment to Christ.
The goal is not simply finding someone you enjoy spending time with.
The goal is finding someone with whom you can pursue God’s purpose, build a Christ-centered marriage, and glorify Him together.
When Christ is at the center, relationships become more than romance—they become a partnership in faith, purpose, and lifelong growth.
Take your time.
Pray often.
Choose wisely.
Your future is worth it.
